Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
