I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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