yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
