we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
