you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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