I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
