I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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