Will you blow on my dice?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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