You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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