don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
