He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
