So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you traded sex for a burrito?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
