i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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