"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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