my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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