i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i out mim tonsoeep
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
