I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize