I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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