Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
