So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
