i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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