Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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