Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
