so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize