turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
