Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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