dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
