Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we're making bets on your personal life
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
