If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
