Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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