I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My vagina just clenched in fear
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
