Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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