I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
