I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
