you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i now understand why vodka
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
