i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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