Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
