Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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