A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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