Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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