I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
