I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
