Where is the hickey?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
