He disabled his match.com account in front of me
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
