Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
