you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
