the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
