all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
