oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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