i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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