I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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