ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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