Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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