Old men and throwing up are my life now.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
