The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
