I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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