feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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