the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
