I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have fence marks all over my body
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
