i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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