It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize