He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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