After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Houston, we have a blender
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize