mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my phone needs a breathalizer
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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