fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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