shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
