Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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