I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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