Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
