My cat gives me a boner
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
