Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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