I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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