is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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