i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
